some things are to be taken

I made my choice I’m going to waste a day

no seriously canberra talent check it https://soundcloud.com/safia-music

funny how things and non-things are so polarising

I think they’re just awful, but people seem to gobble up branding even when on frayed canvas

but yunno ain’t gon’ call ‘em out if I don’t want karma hollerin’

the idea of kissing booths always perplexed me

at its core, isn’t it a rudimentary incarnation of prostitution?

the vendor has no choice but to comply with the consumer’s demands provided financial remuneration

are prostitutes enabled to demand STI check-ups

it is my haven, how can I let you in

there is only space for me

why do I still feel like I’m in this teenager-stage/state-of-angst-and-rebellion

let me be god

Si puedes soñarlo, puedes hacerlo

if you can dream it, you can do it.

the musicians we were before we met

watercolour landscape tat

 

but love is not enough, I’ve learned

to see the journey through

love me lights out

but not yet

speaking of

drake lol vice you be wise

‘Giving a shit about the shit you give a shit about gives that shit power over your shit. But shits are finite, and doing something that takes giving a REALLY big shit (like, y’know, getting a tattoo) is a good way to run out of shits to give.’

(what is the difference between noisey and motherboard?)

sixteen

I can’t really think back to what it was like when I was sixteen. I would have been in year 11, a year during which I began to lap at freedom. I was tied to a committed, closed relationship for the entire year. I let that overrun my life. I did less as a prefect than I wanted to. I should have done more as a choreographer for our musical. But one does not regret! If I hadn’t been in that relationship, I would not have realised many things about teenage crushes, about letting emotions overwhelm rationality (and sense, in general), and the foolishness of clinging onto the ashes of flames long dead. I think my parents were absent for some portion of the year. I wore eyeliner and bb cream. I was miserably into kpop. Now I realise that perfection, physical or otherwise, is an absolute myth. I can’t preclude the idea that 16 year old me recognised that, but I think she still sought it, languidly. Had I not been obsessed, I don’t think I would be able to comprehend that Asian pursuit of perfection. Perhaps it is a universal search. But in my eyes, particularly pronounced in the East Asian genetic line.

I don’t really know why I decided to babble tonight. I feel very disconnected, I guess? When I tap on Chrome, I find myself mindlessly scrolling through ebay, mynetsale, brandsexclusive, facebook, instagram, catchoftheday, strawberrynet, youtube, vice, independent uk, soundcloud, buzzfeed, lookbook. I crave proper interaction. I want to work. I want to make money. I want to pluck words from all sorts of vernacular and mould eloquent, elusive statues to emotion, or the lack thereof. I want to have a reason to stress and allow the anxiety to simmer. It always boils over and makes a mess.

Just.

Stop.

Wanting.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve replayed Max Schneider’s cover of HOWCH.

That abbreviation turned out more silly and less YMCMB than I expected.

(Though, that’s pretty silly in itself.)

Whenever I mention that I’m not close with anyone from my high school (bar, say, 2 people, of whom one is from the grade below), my thoughts and probably my vocalised words dangle feebly. The question from which I avert my eyes – what does this say about me –  echoes and reverberates in my mind, a relentless comet chasing out the cowering shadows. For all I want, I can state with an offhand toss of my head, that interests are not shared, conversation topics are lacklustre and circular. It’s just a little pathetic though, hey, that from six years, this is what has eventuated. I only furrow my brow and bite my lip, wondering if this is what will come of university. Two out of five years have elapsed, and how many people can I count on to clutch to my bosom? (fuck, I don’t mean THAT. Because good lord, already a dizaine too many. Metaphorically. Perhaps.)

Have I really grown up that much from sixteen? How can emotional growth be measured? Is quantitative evidence always the BEST option? If people tear themselves away from drug addictions because they get high on God whilst snorting pages of the Bible, is that something we should dismiss and scoff at?

Anyway, I brought up sixteen because I’ll be tied down to a 念佛期(七?) for sixteen days, which means sleeping at 10 p.m. on December 31st. It’s okay, I tell myself, it’s not 2012, I can party like a goddamn university student some other time. It’s fine, I tell myself, I’m tired of clubbing anyway and I missed all the stereo sideshows. It’s alright, I tell myself, I don’t have anyone I really want to spend it with. Apart from Mary Jane, Molly and Lucy (in the sky with diamonds).

That isn’t to say that I don’t care about my friends. After all these years of trying to be more extroverted, I still despise being an infringement on other people’s lives.

I’ll curtail my barrage of menial musings.

This really wasn’t meant to make me cry, right?

my little list of ten favourite tracks enjoyed in two-thousand-and-thirteen

after three days confined (for the most part) to my bed, I feel well (un-lazy) enough to relocate to the dining room table. I remain too lazy to do anything too productive beyond studying high school french, refreshing my instagram feed and getting frustrated at all (yes, all, I do have that much time) the superfluous listings on ebay. I just realised I wrote something coherent on this blog, for once. Well, in the spirit of things (http://www.inthemix.com.au/features/57058/The_100_Best_Tracks_of_2013?page=10), I’ve decided to curate my own little list of songs that I enjoyed immensely throughout this year (namely within the last semester, I seem to live life on a semesterly basis and everything which happens in the semester prior to the most recent becomes a bit hazy). I’m sure plenty of tracks missed the list because I listened to them too much (get lucky, anyone?). I feel like primary school me again, making lists. Perhaps that was high school me. Maybe that’s just me. A human tendency to organise one’s opinion in some structure and then brandish it at the world saying ‘listen to me!’ Ah.

number 10

Thinkin Bout You (why does it look so dumb when I type it) – Frank Ocean (Ryan Hemsworth bootleg)

I wanted to link the soundcloud file but it’s not even on his soundcloud ?_? utterly uninspiring start. and yes, many of the tracks in this list were probably released/mastered prior to 2013.

So this was one of the first tracks that got me into this kind of music – lord, don’t make me put a label on it, you try do it! It’s just sort of ….. chill ….. step …. wait …..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ev7L1rNcPMw

number 9

Embrace – Goldroom

so fucking gold when I first heard it (sounds messy to me now), may have had something to do with their little profile picture icon thingumbob. it’s just fucking golden sunsets and gold-basked beaches and golden sand and golden gaytimes.

https://soundcloud.com/goldroom/goldroom-embrace

number 8

by now I’ve realised I could be fighting global poverty or making better use of my time but mum’s still grocery shopping and my surgical wound renders me unable to help her with carrying the goods even if she arrives home right now. Cheers, mama.

Clarity – Zedd (Andrew Rayel remix)

okay, so I cheated, but how can I bear to miss the (tentatively) most played big room edm track of this year? The remix allowed me to play it again and again at work. Without being mainstream.

https://soundcloud.com/andrewrayel/zedd-feat-foxes-clarity-andrew

The day when asot comes to Australia.

number 7

bloody hell I can’t even rank the rest of these.

frankly, it’s a bit of a poo to even rank this list in the first place. you can’t reaaaally compare progressive trance and trap, it just doesn’t happen on the same stage/ compare in the same list. but then again, this is my list so reason, shut your trap.

Perfect Form – Cyril Hahn

yes he’s performing at falls (yeah not allowed) but have you seen the field day lineup, similarly smackin’ http://fielddaynyd.com.au/artists.html (oh the overlap)

https://soundcloud.com/cyrilhahn/cyril-hahn-perfect-form

number 6

I don’t know who the fucking artist is too many remixes what

Me and You – Cassie remix of Ryan Leslie (Phazz remix)

https://soundcloud.com/soulection/cassie-me-and-you-phazz-remix

As long as you’re coooool (dat lush haus https://soundcloud.com/henry-krinkle/le-youth-c-o-o-l-henry-krinkle)

yes sneakied in henry krinkle do I get space brownie points

number 5

Higher – Just Blaze, Baauer, Jay-Z

I really need to link you the music video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLCeO2uIj1g

okay the lindt ad just really sold it for me

the surrounding stores (aesop) are probably sick to death of the various people at my work playing this track. three of us were obsessed.

anyway how can those men be so fit but have such big bellies

life is full of mysteries

number 4

it seems that I am getting tired as my sentences are becoming shorter and more staggered. I’m probably just hungry. where is mum ):

(yes, I do live by myself most of the time.)

Girls – The 1975 (The Knocks remix)

https://soundcloud.com/the1975/girls-the-knocks-remix

this track makes me happy like no other. that’s about it. (gets a bit repetitive, but don’t all joys)

number 3

somewhere they said this was the best trap track of the year. won’t question it.

High You Are – What So Not (Branchez remix)

https://soundcloud.com/owslaofficial/what-so-not-high-you-are-1

pi squared times better than the original and we’re talking what so not here. and I got into it as I got into tea leaves. if you catch my drift.

(did you know the ancient Taoists experimented with psychedelic herbs? Well I’m sure they weren’t very ancient. Classical, perhaps.)

number 2

oh fucking hell no words to describe this.

Strangers – Seven Lions with Myon & Shane 54

https://soundcloud.com/edmtunes/seven-lions-with-myon-shane-54-strangers

(speaking of Tove Lo, her vocals are featured on another nifty track https://soundcloud.com/hippiesabotage/stay-high-hippie-sabotage-tove)

number 1

run the traaaaaaappppppppp

okay, look, I’m not a traphead or anything. I don’t know very many trap artists, I didn’t see any of the trap artists at stereo, but okay yeah I really like this shit.

it has a nice beat.

^3^

YOU KNOW IT’S ABOUT THE DROP

U > THEM – LIZ (Peking Duk & CRNKN remix)

https://soundcloud.com/crnkn/liz-u-them-peking-duk-crnkn

If you got through all that, cheers for putting up with my self-absorption. Keep vibin’.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMPEd8m79Hw

change

today is a marker

chocolate

tomorrow will come

obstruction

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